My
whole life I grew up thinking this or that should not be done and
instead you need to wait a certain amount of time until you can move on
to the next phase. A little excessive, maybe? I am exaggerating,
actually. I was not OCD about the exact moment and time, but just
general amounts of time. So afraid of making a mistake, I boxed myself in
and set myself on a course that would ensure me happiness. Right?
Wrong. Instead, I know I missed out on several chances for happiness;
chances that would teach me about others and more about myself because
of it.
One
thing I've come to realize is there is no "right" way; no "right" time.
We can advise others all we want, learn from a bunch of different
people, even read thousands and thousands of pages. It's who has our
focus that makes the difference. I'm not referring to whether we should
break a 10 commandment - those are rights and wrongs that are set in stone. What I
am referring to is everyday life situations. It doesn't matter how many
people tell you you should or shouldn't go to college, date this
person, work there, spend money on that, etc. What matters is what gives
you peace.
A
friend told me during a period of my life when I was deeply distraught,
"God is not a God of confusion; God is a God of peace".
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.
(1 Corinthians 14:33)
I
have tried to force so many things into my life; told myself this is
what was supposed to happen so I should do it. I convinced myself to do
things despite the confusion and stress it was bringing me. So again I
say, there is no "right" way; there is no blue print. How frustrating it
can be to flip open the bible, ask God to reveal Himself, and find no
answer. While God does reveal things to us in the bible, He never
specifically writes, "Stephanie, on this day at this exact time, that is
when you can finally fulfill your desire and go to Uganda". No. It take
my complete focus on Him for it to be revealed to me. He may not
whisper it to me but rather give me peace. Though I do not believe in
the "right" thing to do, I believe there is a "right" path. This path is
relative. It is unique to every person. The "right" path is the
peaceful path. As soon as we take our eyes off of God, we lose peace.
On
a side note, peace does not mean the absence of conviction. God gives
us His Spirit to convict us and gives us peace; to lead us on the right
path. This conviction is not meant to steer us into confusion but rather
gives us peace. This is God's whisper, nudge, giving us a gut feeling
of what we should do or where we should go.
We are all made unique in His image.
I am reminded of Psalm 139 and it's beauty.
(Psalm 139:1-18)
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
