"Break my heart for what breaks Yours" - Since childhood I've heard this phrase used often. It wasn't long before I understood it to be a prayer of my own. Never before had I felt the true meaning of it until this past week though. The burdens I took on weighed me down significantly. Jesus' command to "carry each others burdens" (Galations 6:2) overwhelmed me so much that it became second nature. All it took was one testimony to crack my heart. Each one following it only deepened the crack; penetrating it to the core.
I don't know that I've ever balled so hard for other people before. Jesus really got to me this week. It was like the amount of people I met, love I received and gave, wisdom I learned and emotions I experienced in my traveling to camps for four weeks just broke through. I love being away from civilization. I love being away from the ordinary. My heart is heavy for any person going through a real struggle. I don't know what it's like to be them and they don't know what it's like to be me. But we are all human. God never gives us more than we can take but things still hurt and each of us has our own battle to win.
Even away from camp and the people I met, my heart is still breaking. I feel so selfish to have so many material items and things so often taken for granted. I feel so spoiled. Why do I deserve these things? Why do I deserve luxury? The truth is that I don't. Jesus loves me anyway and only He truly knows why. He provides for me and has entrusted me with much. Thus, he will demand more from me and ask more from me (Luke 12:48b). I have a responsibility to fill. My heart keeps gravitating towards adoption, but I'm not certain about anything right now. All I know is that the Holy Spirit needs to rule each and every single moment. I can't do anything on my own. I simply need Jesus. I am tired of the world going on as if there aren't starving, freezing, overheating, and/or sick people out there. SOMETHING needs to be done.
Ironically, I read the chapter in Kisses from Katie today where she talks about how the home she knew growing up is so different from the place she now calls home. She talks about how when she returns to the place she grew up, she feels out of place instead of relieved to be there. God broke her into several pieces but then put her back together in a new way. He transformed her. This new her is acclimated to a new life full of new realities. I don't know exactly where God is taking me right now, but I do feel something similar. Each time I come home I feel an awkward adjustment. My family is amazing, don't get me wrong. I just can't help but feel like there is something more. Something more than lounging in front of the TV on a Friday night eating pizza with my family. Something more than going shopping just for the thrill of it. Something more than pigging out because I'm bored. Something more than the "American dream". We are called to love the least of these. So why don't we do it? I do not want to settle.
“The
King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the
least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"
Matthew 25:40
Matthew 25:40
