I am so unnerved that I can't focus. I listen to those around me but I don't comprehend. My heart is so unsettled that I don't feel safe. I can't stop thinking about what is happening in five days. This is something I've thought about since I was young and dreamed about for almost as long - not going to Uganda or traveling. Not even loving on orphans or children. I have dreamed for so long about taking a giant leap of faith that would bring glory to God for all to see. Well, this sure qualifies for that opportunity! What I am finding is that something that requires such a giant leap of faith that would bring glory to God for all to see is something that brings out one's weaknesses and one's deepest fears.
I am so fearful - fearful of what I will see, what I will feel and of confronting my dream head on. I don't even have to say a word - I feel so vulnerable and exposed like those around me can see right through me.
When I fully decided to dive into this opportunity, I was full of fear for the first few weeks that there seemed to be no room for peace or excitement. When I made the biggest and final commitment - buying the plane ticket - peace and excitement finally came. After that came a few weeks ago of peace and excitement. So much excitement to face this dream head on. So much assurance of who God is and the good that He brings. So much peace for whatever may come. Now that my junior year of college is over [what?!] and I am able to focus solely on this trip at home, the fear and chaos has returned.
So, dear friends, this is what I ask of you - PLEASE PRAY
1. Health and Safety
--> I get stomach aches easily [and that's IN America]
2. To make a friend to connect with - emotionally and humor wise
3. Money --> I am still a good chunk from the amount needed for this trip
4. Peace and excitement pre-trip and during trip
5. Remember all paperwork for trip and for things to go smoothly
6. Flexible attitude
7. Peace for my family
--> open to God's will
--> that this experience would bring my family and I closer
8. Open mindedness to others and God
9. Spare Judgement on others
--> this is not a faith
based organization. I hope I can avoid falling into old ways and
overcome intimidation. Instead, I hope I can love people where they're
at, as Jesus does.
10. Open mindedness to my future
--> whether I am alive or dead, to love Jesus and be confident that He is good.
--> Whether I am with my loved ones or not, to love Jesus and be confident that He is good.
--> Whether I am sick, in threatening situations, or in healthy, safe situations, to love Jesus and be confident that He is good.
--> Whether I am living "my dream" or not, to love Jesus and be confident that He is good.
11. To remember this trip is more than me - to keep my eyes and heart open to those that are so hungry and thirsty for love.
This is a lot. So you can see why I can't focus --> there's so much for me to think about!
So, dear friends, I ask if you are reading this that you please pick one of these worries and pray your little heart out. If you want to pick them all up, please don't hesitate to do so. I will be so blessed if just one of these areas is taken to heart and taken care of.
Whether it has been through words and/or gifts of encouragement, prayers or financial support, I thank you for however you have supported me in this journey.
